Thanks to everyone who reviewed my first set of poems! Unto the next set!
The Day:
(1) Morning
Majestic day breaks
Shining crown rests upon land
Gorgeous majesty
(2) Noon
Scorch the world of life
Mercilessness dictatorship
Afternoon hatred
(3) Evening
Goodbye lovely sun
Give me a kiss goodnight please
Until tomorrow
(4) Night
So quiet, so dark
Without your glowing sunlight
A few hours left
The Sun and Moon:
(1) Lonesome
You're wrinkled I see
Cold nights alone without sun
You must miss her so
(2)Waiting
Only hours left
'Til you see your wife, your bride
Forever apart
(3)Joined Together
Old man moon, young sun
A joyous meeting at last
So short for lovers
(4) Lovers
Unfortunate love
Opposites attract you see
Apart, together
These are part of a year-long experiment where I try different kinds of poetry every few days. You can find my new poems daily in my YWS blog.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I remember when we had to write haikus last year. I was horrible at them. I couldn't get my ideas into the 5,7,5 format. But you did a wonderful job expressing your wonderful ideas into a short amount of space. It's a very interesting idea to try different types of poems and I look forward to seeing what else you crank out.
~peanut~
Thank you both so much for your reviews! I'm now finished with haikus and the next challenge is rondeaus...don't know how that's going to work out. I guess we'll see when I write some.
Hi again!
I wouldn't say the poems themselves are better than the first set, because they were excellent too, but you've presented these a lot better. You can really tell you've taken the reviews on board and incorporated the advice you've been given here. I like the way you've grouped these. You've definitely put them together in comprehensible sets, which makes more sense than last time. You've obviously really thought about it and I like the way you've reacted to the criticisms.
All in all, well done. You've left me with nothing to complain about.
~Grin
I think your trying new kind of poetry idea is really cool. If I knew anything about haikus I would review these but honestly I have no idea how to judge a haiku or give advice for that matter. These seem great to me in my lack of any poetic experience whatsoever though so nice job. I can say that I like the themes that you used for the poems, and I can tell that you wrote them while thinking about someone or something special. Good work.